260...

260. I HATE my scale. I hate it because its accurate. How did I get this big? I remember seeing 175 on my state id, but I really don't even know if that was accurate since for a long time I never weighed myself. This is the first time I am letting other people besides my doctor and good friend know my weight. About 5 years ago, before I met my first love; I was so confident, felt beautiful, and could care less about how much I weighed because hell; he didn't!!
- Then everything started falling apart.. he fell out of love with me, and I did the opposite of what people are used to when big girls get emotional. Instead of overeating, I underate. I starved myself for months; and lost about 25 or 30 pounds. I probably was down to 200 or so, not sure because I was not weighing myself, but I remember my stomach being damn near flat. I was also at a point of homelessness. I was living in the back of my boyfriend's sister's GMC Jimmy. I finally ended up getting a roommate in the city of Auburn, WA, but from there it went up.....including my weight! Not only did I gain back the weight I had lost; but SO MUCH MORE! I know my highest point was about 8 months ago when I joined a gym [Ballys]; my weight was 280! Thats so close to 300, and I'm only 5'4 and 24 years old. WTF!!!
I'm making a promise to myself to quit it. I gained this weight, I ruined my body, now its time to get it to how I want. I was never at an ideal weight....I have always been a fat girl...

I live in Seattle, WA; which is a major city. designer clothing, late night club fun, fashion shows, etc..... I can't enjoy any of this! A lot of things are catered around the women of sizes 0-9...I live in a skinny city. Skinny lattes, skinny fries, skinny women.

This blog is going to be about my journey - My journey to 150 lbs. I WANT TO BE A SIZE 9!! I don't care what anybody says, that is what is going to bring me back to confident. This is also not just a weight loss journey, but a journey to adulthood. I have been irresponsible all my life, not only with my eating, but everything in general. I have never learned how to drive, only fell in love once, never got a high school diploma, and was evicted from my apartment for non payment about a year ago. This is also a journey to gain a fullfilling life.

With this blog I want you to go through my ups and downs, my struggles, gains, and just my life. Share anything about me that you want, I want you to contribute... tell me when I am being stupid, when I am doing great. I need that. I need this. I'm ready!